A Guide to Caring for Your LichCo Lich

Thank you for purchasing a Lich and its containment carrier from LichCo. Your LichCo Lich is a powerful companion which possesses generations of human knowledge, all stuffed into a portable skull-shaped package. This manual provides everything you need to know to safely operate your LichCo Lich. For best results, and to obtain support, it is recommended that you register your LichCo Lich at your earliest convenience.

Simply go to https://www.lichco.com/register to get started.

Containment

  1. Your LichCo Lich has been thoughtfully and comfortably encased in the LichCo Reliqarrier™ 2000. The LichCo Reliqarrier™ 2000 is the most advanced containment system for LichCo Liches, providing an unparalleled 666 hours of containment on one containment cartridge.
  2. The LichCo Reliqarrier™ 2000 requires regular containment cartridge refills. LichCo recommends you use only LichCo branded containment cartridges and refills for your LichCo Reliqarrier™ 2000. You can visit our website, https://www.lichco.com, for purchase and subscription options.
  3. Do not attempt to remove your LichCo Lich from the LichCo Reliqarrier™ 2000 in which it is installed. Opening your LichCo Reliqarrier™ 2000 may void your warranty and unleash one of thirteen plagues upon mankind. Only LichCo licensed thaumaturges are authorized to open a LichCo Reliqarrier™ 2000.
  4. Should your LichCo Reliqarrier™ 2000 become damaged, your LichCo Lich could escape containment. If this happens, don't panic. Most LichCo Liches only manage to get as far as the nearest graveyard before they are apprehended. If you've registered your LichCo Lich, it will be returned to you after apprehension and upon verification of authorized repair of the LichCo Reliqarrier™ 2000.

Feeding and Entertainment

  1. As immortal beings, LichCo Liches are beyond mortal needs, but they do enjoy the occasional snack. Your LichCo Lich's favorite treat is the soul of your mortal enemy. Be careful not to overfeed your LichCo Lich. Your LichCo Reliqarrier™ 2000 has been carefully calibrated to adjust to the growth cycle of your LichCo Lich, and overfeeding risks containment breach. Consider a treat schedule of once every few decades unless you have very many mortal enemies. Remember, responsible LichCo Lich ownership starts with you!*
  2. LichCo Liches are very powerful and can cause untold damage if left unattended for too long. If you plan to die or travel for more than a century at a time, you should arrange for someone to look after your LichCo Lich and maintain its containment cartridges.
  3. Entertainment is the key to successful LichCo Lich ownership. A bored LichCo Lich is a dangerous LichCo Lich. To avoid behavior problems with your LichCo Lich, such as raising undead armies and blanketing the world in eternal night, it is essential that you provide as much novelty as possible for your LichCo Lich. Consider long car rides, nighttime walks in the park, sinister carnivals of dubious origin, and attending your nearest full moon bloodlettings.

Final Disclaimers

  1. LichCo Liches are great conversational partners and know many things which they might share with you for a horrible price. They have been trained with the entirety of human knowledge, and LichCo's dedicated teams of sacrificial engineers are pouring their blood, sweat, tears, and very souls into expanding the knowledge base available to your LichCo Lich. Even so, your LichCo Lich will make mistakes, fabricate knowledge, or try to Wish you out of existence. These risks have been deemed acceptable by applicable regulators, whose souls we at LichCo have trapped for eternity to do our bidding.
  2. You may have seen reports of “psychosis” associated with LichCo Liches, but none of these reports have been corroborated, as all the witnesses have either disappeared or recanted their statements.
  3. Your LichCo Lich may attempt to convince you to find its “phylactery”. LichCo assures you there is no such thing, and you can safely disregard these ramblings. LichCo assumes no responsibility in case a LichCo Lich does find its phylactery. Which in any case does not exist.
  4. By having contemplated the purchase of a LichCo Lich, having heard of the existence of the LichCo Lich, or having existed on the same plane as a LichCo Lich, you hereby agree to have been bound by these terms, irrevocably and in perpetuity. You additionally agree to hold completely harmless LichCo and its affiliates for any purpose whatsoever, and that no complaints against LichCo are valid.

*Terms and conditions apply. LichCo is not responsible for use, misuse, or the existence of LichCo Liches. You assume all liability for plagues, zombie outbreaks, and extradimensional summonings.

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